“Divorce” is a nice way of putting it.
Last Tuesday I was making small talk with a couple I had just met that day; we had probably been talking less than 10 minutes when they said something striking to me. They were telling me about their child and how they were very stubborn. Jokingly I asked, “And who did they get that from? Never mind don’t answer I don’t want to cause a divorce.” Obviously the couple knew I was joking and laughing the husband said “Nope she’s stuck with me forever we don’t believe in divorce.”
We don’t believe in divorce....
We don’t believe in divorce...
Now of course they didn’t know I am divorced. I wasn’t offended or hurt; I am sure if they knew I was divorced they most likely wouldn’t have said it. Like I said it didn’t offend me but it hit me in the gut because I don’t believe in divorce either.
Till death do us part. We all know it, most of us have said it. And I truly meant it. I don’t think anyone knows exactly what that means when they say it; but I knew that whatever came our way I was going to stick it out, to do my part to keep our marriage together. The thing is, BOTH of you have to mean it. I don’t get to make decisions for my spouse. I don’t believe in divorce, and I didn’t think my husband did either but four years later I realized he did, what he didn’t believe in was working to sustain our marriage. He wasn’t in it for the commitment, he was in it for.....well, actually I’m not sure.
I don’t believe in divorce, but I am divorced. My point it, just because I am divorced does not mean I was less of a wife then someone who is married. I married someone who didn’t have the same beliefs as me and I had no control over his actions. Someone said to me once, “You can’t blame one person for the divorce, it takes two people to get there.” Yes, someone actually said this to me! I was standing in a public place surrounded by people so I just clenched my fists while my friend quickly hurried me out of the room before I did something I regretted (and because she knew that was a low blow). Actually, It does not take two people to get a divorce, it takes one. It takes two people to stay married (I really wish I would have thought to say that in the moment).
So do I believe in divorce now? I don’t know...I can say that I am happy I am divorced. If I had a friend in the position I was in, I think I would have told them to get out of that toxic marriage. I had good solid friends telling me that, but I knew in my mind I was not letting our marriage go down without a fight (and you know I’m a scrapper).
Can I say one more thing? I am going to get intense so turn back now if easily offended.
Divorce is a VERY nice way of putting it. I prefer to say I was abandoned (lets not even discuss the fact there was an 11 month old involved). Divorce sounds civil; what I went through was not civil. Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever broke up with you in a text? Has your husband? Mine has....and I don’t call that divorce, I call that abandonment.
